get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
