Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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