Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
