are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
