i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
