matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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