I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
