Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
