she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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