You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
