just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
