This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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