HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
