You can't motorboat a personality
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
