You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
