Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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