I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Watching her eat just hurts me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
