Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
