is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
