ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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