Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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