wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
