she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just pee around me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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