Plan B is the new Plan A
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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