I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
