Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
