I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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