I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
