Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
