what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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