The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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