I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
