Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
