i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
