i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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