I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
