I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
