Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
