Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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