Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
