you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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