Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
