As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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