If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
