he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
