I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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