I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
