I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
