i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
