Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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