haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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