Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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