I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
