haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
