THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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