My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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