Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
