im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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