Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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