So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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