I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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