I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
