make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
