Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
