Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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