Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
