I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
