awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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