i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize