my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
