Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
