He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
