I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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