Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I could make wine with my vomit
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
