did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
