Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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