Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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