thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
