It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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