why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i came on her dog
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
