I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
