It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Pooping to opera.
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