Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
