Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
