I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
