He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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