Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
