Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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