Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
