I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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