You work out of a Hotel?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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