I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
