Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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