I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We talked him into tasing himself.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
