Your mouth is God's brothel.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She needs sedatives and a leash
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
