I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
