i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize